...before lunch

We had:

-two cases of pinkeye

-one issue of diarrhea

-one constipation issue

-one fast-growing skin allergy

Clay Thingy

Uh oh.

During art class, the kids were using brown clay. One kid, allegedly, made a penis out of clay and put it on his pants. He sneakily got others to peak.

Oh, sigh.

Stripping and Molting

Today we did the molting dance.

This is when you pretend to come out of your larval exoskeleton, after you ate too much and got too big for it. You wiggle and wiggle.

Scanning the room, I thought it was pretty cute.

And then I saw evidence of serious miscommunication: one student, belly exposed past the button, had her arm in her shirt and was about it take it off. Yikes stripes!

Unexpected skin exposure never goes over well. Too many squeals to handle before lunch.

Who let the leaves out?!

On Friday, a fiber artist began her residency in first grade. We'll be making a soft-sculpture butterfly garden with all sorts of life cycle information.

While cutting out fabric in the shape of leaves, one kid started singing:

"Who let the leaves out? Leaf! Leaf! Leaf! Leaf! Who let the leaves out?" etc.

I can totally relate. Songs with lyrics changed to match your activity are the best. 

And especially when you go a little counterintuitive. I mean, someone boring and normal would've said, "Who let the leaves out? Who? Who? Who? Who?" Not this kid. He knows what's up.

Ringworms and Mealworms

Not really a worm #1:

Second ringworm outbreak of the year = ... adventure? And how does it end up on kids' heads? Checking for ringworm plus lice is too much for one scalp.

Not really a worm #2:

I didn't know what mealworms were until I started teaching. You buy them in bulk at Petco, and they tell you to refrigerate them. But if you don't...duh duh duhn...they go through their whole life cycle and become Darkling Beetles. Which look like roaches.

Last week, I picked up this year's set. Yay. 

You put them in a critter cage with some oats and stuff and then watch as the mass of oats slowly and almost imperceptibly moves around and wiggles. If you're lucky and you're the teacher, you get to reach in and pull some out to study. If it's an awesome day, you might even get some molted skin. 

I heard a rumor once of a teacher who has a self-generating aquarium full of them. Some in the mealworm stage, some in the gnarly white pupa stage, and some beetles...that look like roaches.

Sock on the Footbridge

Ok, so the footbridge again. It's not really teaching-related, but it's got bodily fluids, so I figured...hey.

The other day I saw two turds coming out of a sock on my way to work. Two human poops, one sock, and a host of questions.

It was still there in the afternoon, but with one poop.

Kind of Like Twitter

6-year-olds produce really urgent-sounding sound bites. They usually start with, "Can I tell you something?!" and begin before I can attempt a response. At the end of the day, here was the newsfeed:

"My dog is picking me up on Friday!"

"My grandma is in the hospital. Her legs got cut!"

"I got juice in my backpack! Juicy, juicy, juicy."

"My brother is going to capoeira!"

"My mom always helps me!"

This was in rapid-fire succession. They must've been holding it in all day. like me!

M-O-M is mom

Overhead, to himself, in writing:

"M-O-M is 'mom'! That's crazy. Crazy. And D-A-D is 'dad'! Crazy, see?"

Wait until he hears about "a man, a plan, a canal...panama."

Small Moment Stories

First grade is all about the personal narrative. We teach "small moment" stories, where you stretch out in sometimes agonizing detail a particular part of your day.

One student started his day at the beginning, when he took a bath. And then he ran with it. By page two, he was getting out of the tub, putting on loshen, and greasing up in baby oil. "It's greasy." 

Love the detail. Maybe TMI.

Blin Blin

Woohoo spring break stories! I'm just grading the kids' homework packet and came across this journal entry:

"On Thursday my mom went to a store to by our spring close. My close had blin blin on it."

It's complete with a sketch labeled BlinBlin and blinblin.

Bathroom Privileges for Grown Ups

Spring break is over. 

I tend to get preparation anxiety stress on Sundays, but this week it's worse than usual. Getting back to the grind, for teachers, means having to regulate your liquid intake in ways that you wouldn't expect. One of the major stressors involved in teaching is not being able to pee.

It's something you don't consider when you're a kid, squirming around and raising your hand, waiting to be allowed to use the bathroom. Teachers can't just go when we need to. Oof.

Teaching's not the only job like this, for sure. Bus drivers, I always thought, had it rough. Maybe they wear Depends? Maybe I should...

Like the Post Office

I nearly stepped on a blood-filled hypodermic needle on my way to work the other morning.

I called 311 to report it--I mean, little kids walk this route to and from school every day, and who knows what they like to pick up--and the fallout was a comedy of bureaucratic errors.

The first few people I talked to didn't know what to do with me, since my problem didn't have to do with alternate-side parking rules. So I got transferred to the Dirty Sidewalks Division.

At first, I protested. I mean, dirty sidewalks says to me, hey come with a broom and sweep up a bit. But picking up bloody needles, in my mind, requires sturdy gloves, antiviral medication, and a bio-hazard bin. Which got me thinking about the last time I 311-ed something in the area. That time, it was a bio-hazard bin, just sitting on the sidewalk. Then, the Dirty Sidewalks Division delivered. After initial protesting, they picked it up. I reconsidered and decided the Division could handle the needle.

Next came the "Now where is this needle?" conversation. Well, the needle was on a footbridge overpass, over one highway and below another. It's a secluded area, which explains the needle, and it creates quite the convenient shortcut for my commute. I tried to explain this. I confused my 311er so thoroughly that I had to get transferred again, this time to somebody near a computer. This person wanted cross streets. I explained it was an overpass, not a street. This didn't go over well.

"What street is it on?"
"It's not a street. It's an overpass footbridge."
"Then what street is it on?"
"It's not, but it's coming off of [street] and it goes over [street]."
"Those two don't intersect!"
"I know. That's why there's an overpass."
"But they don't intersect."
(Loop it a few times.)
"I need to pick up my students from the cafeteria."
"Ok. We'll work on it."

Next time I see a bio-hazard bin, I'm not going to report it. I'll keep it on hand, just in case.

...hiatus...

Spring break! Be back next, next week.

Poetry Jam

So...slightly thrown together. I mean, what else are we supposed to do the day before spring break? You might recognize the punchline. 

Overheard and Overseen

Overheard with student:

"When I read, I get hot."

"What kind of books are you reading?"

"Little Jack."

Overseen during a lesson at the rug:

Student pulls up his t-shirt, slaps his back, then licks his palm. He saw me looking at him and looked back, guiltily.

Bespectacled

I love kids in glasses. 

In the first grade, kids who need glasses typically wear them, which can't be said of the older set. Some of them, probably those with plain jane wire frame ones, will suffer through their myopia before wearing their 3rd and 4th eyes.

But in first grade, glasses are so in. We have a large number of bespectacled students this year. I'd like to think it's because I wear them and, being cool teacher, I have tons of influence. But their glasses are way cooler than mine. Mine are put together with a paperclip and scotch tape. At least I have company in that department because student M. is in the same boat. That makes me feel better (but maybe should make me feel worse?).

Thick framed hipster glasses are totally in. One kid has thick black ones, and she sits next to someone with thick red ones (which have that magical lens that turns into sunglasses). They sit across the table from someone who just got reading glasses. This is too cute. She puts them on when she reads, and they fall to the end of her nose so she ends up looking like a lady librarian. Those are maybe my favorite.

Multimedia

                                                            An improbably long time.

                                                                    Story Pirates!

Best of Arts Week Finale...

...hands down goes to the kindergarten Flamenco group. 

serious music + 5 year olds boys in construction paper hats = almost as good as the story pirates

Update on Doc

Our performance art doc premiered this morning. It went over well. I am angry at the computer and am still trying to figure out how to youtube it.

Turns out 5th and 6th graders are much more into filming than editing. 

Poems Inspired By Arts Week

100% student written.

POEM 1:

"Hipop"

        a

hip hop is a

 Fun thing

    to do

I tried to

   do a

 spin on

my head

POEM 2:

          "Olay!"

the k-kid got mest up

            Olay!

    the little k-kid

    shook her hips

           Olay!

     "I'm happy"

           Olay!

POEM 3:

"untitled"

a

egg

cracks

I take the egg

to its mommy

crack

crack

crack

*snap snap snap*

 

Best of Wednesday

Arts Week keeps 'em coming:

• Student R. got stuck in his sweatshirt again today. But this time it was because he put it on backwards, which was particularly difficult considering it was a hoodie. He eventually got unstuck.
• I don't know what happened during this morning's performance because I had a planning period. All I know is that the kids came back very sweaty.
• My film crew started editing today. Hopefully it'll be up on youtube soon.
• At 5, everyone returned to school for the Spring Art Gallery. It is always a great event. We serve juice and seltzer spritzers, mini weiners, and cheese. Some adult jazz musicians play in a band with some kid musicians. Student art is all over the walls with small white placards that read something like, "Self Portrait. First and Last Name, 2nd grade. Sharpie and Cray Pas on Paper."
• One of my students and her older sister showed up wearing matching "Hi Hater" shirts.
• The Dance Troupe performed. I particularly love the 3 boys in the group. 
• I won a tote bag!

Bravo, arts week.