I nearly stepped on a blood-filled hypodermic needle on my way to work the other morning.
I called 311 to report it--I mean, little kids walk this route to and from school every day, and who knows what they like to pick up--and the fallout was a comedy of bureaucratic errors.
The first few people I talked to didn't know what to do with me, since my problem didn't have to do with alternate-side parking rules. So I got transferred to the Dirty Sidewalks Division.
At first, I protested. I mean, dirty sidewalks says to me, hey come with a broom and sweep up a bit. But picking up bloody needles, in my mind, requires sturdy gloves, antiviral medication, and a bio-hazard bin. Which got me thinking about the last time I 311-ed something in the area. That time, it was a bio-hazard bin, just sitting on the sidewalk. Then, the Dirty Sidewalks Division delivered. After initial protesting, they picked it up. I reconsidered and decided the Division could handle the needle.
Next came the "Now where is this needle?" conversation. Well, the needle was on a footbridge overpass, over one highway and below another. It's a secluded area, which explains the needle, and it creates quite the convenient shortcut for my commute. I tried to explain this. I confused my 311er so thoroughly that I had to get transferred again, this time to somebody near a computer. This person wanted cross streets. I explained it was an overpass, not a street. This didn't go over well.
"What street is it on?"
"It's not a street. It's an overpass footbridge."
"Then what street is it on?"
"It's not, but it's coming off of [street] and it goes over [street]."
"Those two don't intersect!"
"I know. That's why there's an overpass."
"But they don't intersect."
(Loop it a few times.)
"I need to pick up my students from the cafeteria."
"Ok. We'll work on it."
Next time I see a bio-hazard bin, I'm not going to report it. I'll keep it on hand, just in case.
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That exchange about the overpass reminds of that Verizon phone call where they can't understand the difference between dollars and cents: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2isSJKntbg. So frustrating.
ReplyDelete"dirty sidewalks division;" one can only imagine what else may included in its range of responsibility. brave bunny suspects it is more than dried leaves or bits of grass and grime---probably not so macabre as animal parts, but could include maybe unseemly items that could pose danger: pottery sherds, broken wine glasses, or other such items
ReplyDeleteNext time call the mayor's office and ask to speak to Bloomberg directly.
ReplyDeleteWhere are the 311 operators housed? They take calls for all sorts of random stuff like reservations for tours of the mayor's house. it is one long table with phones and some ppl have computers too?
ReplyDeletethey probably outsource it to india. which is what i want to do with my job...
ReplyDelete