Best friends are special. They are each other's number 1, all the time, even when they get in fights. I had one (what's up, MCB!) and it made first grade a blast. But now I know why we were split up for second grade.
Bestfriendships are oddly unhealthy.
Usually, best friends are eerily similar. I have had 3 bestfriendships in my classes over the past few years: two boys O and N, two girls J and T, and boy and girl M and N. At first glance, the friends seem different--loud vs. shy, friendly vs. awkward, boy vs. girl. But after a few weeks in one classroom, the similarities come out, loud and clear.
O and N, from last year's class, were bizarre, creative thinkers. They were bright and independent. No doubt, they both had fascinating interior monologues continuously running. And they loved each other. They needed each other. I remember a trip to the park last year, when N was building an anthill and O was in the grass a few feet over. N just yelled and yelled, "I need you! I need you!" O didn't want to help. It went on for a bit.
J and T, also from last year, were tomboys who were a little behind academically. They cared for each other, helping with scraped knees and tying shoes. They were also mischievous. When studying insects last year, one stole a chrysalis as a butterfly was emerging. We never got the story straight because they wouldn't break from backing each other up. They both took the rap for killing a crumpled-up butterfly as it was metamorphing. That's love.
And this year, M and N are the power duo. They both have neat handwriting, great math skills, and silly attitudes. They sit next to each other almost all day, and whenever we make partnerships, we have to keep them together. They're just too sweet. But then the other day, M showed N his underwear. So, sigh...it had to happen some time.
What's so striking to me is that these best friends pick don't pick each other because they share mutual interests ("hey, I like robots too!") but because of the types of people they are.
Brave Bunny does not believe that these behaviors are particularly unhealthy, and is struck by how the first graders exhibit attitudes that will recur forever in close relationships. Sometimes, the "significant other" will communicate in a special way, other times she will offer protection, or maybe he will share in some exciting adventure. Many times the most successful relationships combine all 3 attributes--admittedly not always to be encouraged at this age and in the school room.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a bestie in First Grade. . . and was always of those that did. Maybe I'm better off for it.
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